Why is my son a scapegoat?

I wrote this first on 29/09/2008 whilst working a double role as a special education teacher and a Year coordinator. As you'll probably gather the two roles always went hand in hand when supporting students with Autism. 

Last week was so busy I am still dealing with the fall out from incidents. On Thursday the P.E teacher came to me and said he had pulled up a boy in his class for punching another student during a football match.

Apparently the game had got a bit heated and Adam the boy doing the punching; hit a few students in the game. I decided id deal with it on Friday morning as I was on my way out the door on Thursday. So Friday Morning I have three sets of angry parents in reception. Adam’s mum whom I had called informing her son was suspended. Brad’s mum, the boy who had been punched and Gary’s mother who had been the instigator of the ruckus.

On the phone Adam’s mum, Mrs Sand had said that Aaron had hit the boy’s because they had been saying things about her. I managed to find Gary and get his version of events and he was playing it innocent. He denied anything was said or done, and that Adam had lashed out due to frustration in the game. So I met with Gary and Aaron’s mum and they were so incensed that action needed to be taken, I had the Head in on the meeting. Things were defused to a point and both mums’ were happy that Adam had been suspended. Mrs Elliot, Garry’s mother was adamant that her son was always the scapegoat when anything happened. She constantly referred back to a student we had last year who was excluded and then allowed back into the school, when support for him had been arranged.

Later on in the day I received another complaint from a parent that Gary had called his mum a W**re. Soon an uncomfortable coincidence became apparent. Mrs Sand had said that her son had punched the other boy’s because Gary had called his mum the same name.

I called Mrs Eliot and she was out so I spoke to Gary’s dad. Dad was shocked to hear what I had to say, but he defended his son saying, “My son doesn’t use that language”. So here I am on a highway to nowhere. I relay the facts I have to him and ask him to have a word to Gary. Gary seems to have dug himself a hole and I’m sure he won’t tell the truth now. I figure that having mum and dad question him he will think next time before name-calling.

So today, Mrs Elliot greets me in reception. She has a formal letter of complaint about the treatment of her son. I feel like just standing up and saying her son is a liar, and that he is the cause of all of this. I’ve no concrete evidence to pin on him, so I retell her the facts I have and the uncomfortable coincidence. She sticks with her son’s story. Mum is unhappy that the school ‘always’ accuses her son. Mum is an oxymoron sometimes when she uses the old threat ‘Gary is so unhappy do something or else we are going to pull our kids out of the school’. This is contradicted by her saying, in the same sentence, her son and daughter are happy at the school and they don’t want to leave.

I see Mrs Elliot out and head upstairs. I catch up with the Head of Pastoral Care. She tells me that she has been on the phone to Adam’s mum to get her to expand on comments she made on Friday saying Adam had ADHD. There is nothing on the school record about his ADHD so I’m a little annoyed that mum hasn’t disclosed this. Mum takes back the comment stating that he doesn’t have ADHD but she has had him tested. Mum also states that she is unhappy with her son being victimised and is writing a formal complaint. I think ill write a formal complaint about all these people writing formal complaints. I feel like putting them all in a room and letting them just go for it.

Stay tuned to this space as I am sure of another flare up before long.